In a groggy, sleepy stupor my first order of business was to make tea. Thence to sit and watch the chickadees stuffing themselves brimful of the black oil sunflower seeds provided for them. I sound like I'm in my seventies, right? Would it help my case if I mentioned that NPR was on in the background? No? I thought not. In any case as I watched the birds I considered what I would put into the first post of my blog. I know what I want to put into the blog eventually. I want to make it a place where I can go and vent creativity like a mentally unstable person vents to their therapist. However, where to begin?
The answer was literally right outside my window. It was a story waiting to happen, one that was simple, true, deeply moving and profound. Therefore...
-The Bird Feeder-
As I watched the bird feeder outside the window, sun making the chickadees look as though they flew on wings of purest light, something interesting happened. A flock of turkeys, regular visitors to this neck of the woods, wandered into the scene. They first went to inspect sheep troughs to see if there was anything left over from breakfast and upon finding nothing decided it would be much more worth their while to lounge beneath the bird feeder. Without further discussion the motley crew vaulted awkwardly over the pasture fence and ranged themselves beneath the feeder. Undeterred by the appearance of their much, much larger cousins the chickadees continued their hyperactive feeding routine.
At this juncture I think it prudent to explain exactly how the feeder is set up. This way you can better understand just how absurd the turkey is. Beneath the feeder is a low, snow covered stone wall. Between the wall and the layer of snow atop it the feathered dinosaurs could easily have reached the feeder and simply gorged themselves directly from it, but being turkeys they chose to make things more difficult and went about their business of scratching in the puffy snow for any tidbits the chickadees might have dropped.
Things changed suddenly with addition of a third, altogether different species of animal. A squirrel came, seemingly out of nowhere, and pounced on the feeder as though it might escape. The chickadees were, as one can imagine, were quite put out by this most recent guest to the feeder. His drunken antics, and all encompassing tail kept them from getting anywhere near the food source. The turkeys, highly intelligent animals that they are, exploded into the air with a frightened flurry of wings... Then they realized it was just a squirrel and settled down.
While Mr. Squirrel rocked the feeder, attempting to get himself in the right position to maximize face stuffing, the turkeys came back from their embarrassing freak-out. As they returned they found the previously sparse pickings left by the chickadees had turned into the richest buffet in the world. The squirrel, in his attempts to get the food out of the feeder, was having more success in spreading the wealth than he was in actually acquiring it. The turkeys did not mind a bit.
Eventually, after finishing the food on the ground, the overlarge chickens had occasion to think about something else. They looked up and realized it was the squirrel who created food from the heavens. An epiphany! It was as though the turkeys had suddenly found God. With their beady eyes turned to the heavens they watched the squirrel dangle from the feeder just above their heads while food rained down like manna. The revelation lasted only a moment before more turkey-like behavior set in once again and They set back to their feeding with a will, trusting in the will of Squirrel to send them more food.
That's when the trouble started. The squirrel, after much trial and error, finally managed to balance himself atop the roof of the feeder and began to gorge on seeds. The feeder, which until now had been swinging wildly and dumping it's load on the ground, finally stilled and no more seed dropped from it. The turkeys had been forsaken. Helplessly, despite the fact that they could easily have eaten directly from the feeder, they looked to the happily munching Squirrel for salvation. In His infinite wisdom, He ignored them.
After much renewed scratching and squabbling for the scraps of seed still left to them the turkeys seemed to have given up. There was nothing left for them here, Squirrel was gone from the world and all was darkness once again. Then one enterprising young tom had an idea. His eyes glowed with pleasure at his own genius, and he nonchalantly waltzed up under the feeder where the Almighty fed with his luxurious tail hanging down. Our hero, with great pomp and ceremony, stretched his neck to it's limit and snapped his beak at the tempting tidbit of tail. In righteous indignation His Holiness the Squirrel pitched forward, which in turn caused the feeder to rock. Food fell from the sky as it had in days of old!
The less intelligent turkeys saw this as a sign that Squirrel was still with them. They flapped and jumped about for a moment, then settled in to their feast. The more intelligent turkeys (and intelligence here is definitely relative) commenced with the feeding right away, leaving the others to sing their foolish praises. Our hero did not partake of the food of heaven, instead embracing his new roll and appointing himself liaison to Almighty Squirrel. When the unfortunate deity managed to balance himself comfortably enough to stop the feeder from swinging, the enterprising youngster would stretch his neck to it's fullest and snip at what ever part of the squirrel hung lowest.
His ear, his nose, the top of his head, his friggin tail again! The squirrel came to the conclusion that his perch was no longer a viable feeding place. Chattering madly he looked down at the big, stupid birds assembled beneath him, leapt from the feeder and raced away across the snowy ground. The turkeys once again found themselves awkwardly frightened by the sudden movement, but after a moment they realized that Squirrel had dumped yet more food at their feet. They set in with a will.
It came to pass after several minutes that the seed on the ground was gone. The turkeys looked to the sky, hoping against hope that Squirrel would return and once again spill his seed upon their upturned faces. He did not. He never returned to that place again. The turkeys were abandoned. In shame, in hungry agony, they shuffled off to find a better place to feed.
Moral: Squirrels should not be depended upon.
Inspired!
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